just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
