Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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