Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude i'm inner monologue high
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
