I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
