please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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