M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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