The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
