Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
