I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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