the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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