So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
