Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
