I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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