Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
