Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
