fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
