You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
