dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
