how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize