I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
