Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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