she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
