Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
