He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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