i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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