just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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