It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A+ Viking dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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