In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's shark week go big or go home
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
