Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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