if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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