dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
