The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
