just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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