i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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