So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
