Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
