this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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