But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
