Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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