i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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