Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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