I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
