His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
