I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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