I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
