How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
