i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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