College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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