Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
