No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
