I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
