He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
