You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
