Need sex. Gaining weight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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