yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
