Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
