I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
