i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
