my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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