Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
