tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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