I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
