he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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