Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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