I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
