I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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