I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
