it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
