The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's like iHOP with fire
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
