Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
