And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
