You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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