I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
