Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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