dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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