I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
