I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
